im crazy

ive actually been thinking latley. idk if i wasnt before but i actually feel like im thinking about important stuff. im probably going soon :p. CAN YOU GAGGLE THAT HAH!!! if they can this is a little embarassing.

i cant talk about anything i want to without getting in trouble.. noone understands me and i dont think anyone ever really could because even when i try to open up to ppl i downplay my real emotions or ill lie

therapy is so stupid. why the fuck would i consult in a random adult who legaly has to inform my parents when i say something hinting at sh or suicide even tho thats all i think about. but fr, why would i trust a random adult at all? i know you get warmed up to them but id genuinley just lie. everything is so embarassing and everthing costs so much damn money and everyone sucks. no one actually listens to me or is interested in me but even if they did listen they wouldnt understand. im completley alone and i will go soon. i dont even know if i want to write a note. i dont know what i would say. "showwy mom showwy dad,,,, its your fawt." im easy to make fun of.

so what do you say when someone misgenders you. im too anxious and i dont want to come off like a loser.. just googled it and ai does not know what i mean. fuck you google fuck you evryone at school. i honestly dont eevn know why i care. i know the way people percive me is important but why do i care that much. i want my peers to recognise me for who i actually am but why do i even care.. i dont give two shits about who they are, and all my friends know who i really am. i guess for people i like who im not too close with (judah) arent confused but i could always just tell them again. i have to get used to being uncomfortable i guess.